Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Coincidence? I think not! ~Author Unknown
For some ridiculous reason, amongst one of my trials last year, I felt it was completely necessary to bake the perfect pie. I tried over the course of 3 weeks with different fruits, crusts, and fillers. I tried online recipes and cookbooks. And I just couldn't get it. Over and over. Again and again.
The funny thing is, I don't even really like pie that much, but for some reason I was just so pressed to get it right. What is it about pie, that even if you follow a recipe to a 'T', it still won't work. "Easy as pie." Ha.
Like the pie, I now see that at that time I so desperately just wanted a "recipe" to follow to help heal the conflict and the hurt. I thought a little bit of integrity, with a dash of truth, a cup of grace, and a lot of heart would do the trick but it didn't. When it was all said and done it turned out to be nothing I had longed or hoped for. It was as if someone handed me back a broken pie plate that had fallen on the floor with none of the original ingredients.
So a few weeks ago, I baked a pie....and it came out perfect. I guess all I was missing was a little Godly perspective and time.
"The secret to a rich life is to have more beginnings than endings." ~Dave Weinbaum
I have written this blog post in my head a thousand times over the past year and could never come up with the right words. Where to begin? Where to end? Where to scream? Where to cry? Where to laugh? Who would possibly understand? What quote could possibly sum up my story? I needed to retreat inward, for a season, before I could share with perspective, honesty, and grace. If you know anything about my last year of life, you know that it has been one of the most incredible. Incredible pain, love, betrayal, heartache, confusion, blessings, joy, anger, insight, and peace. I have experienced more in my last year, than I have in the previous 31. Now that might be a bit of an exaggeration but it has been one that has moved my soul in unforgettable ways.
Hmmm....where to begin? I figured it was time to get back to blogging and end my 14 month sabbatical. It truly has been a time of healing and discovering who I am. But in terms of resting, not so much. That is problem with being a workaholic. :)
I miss blogging, surprisingly. Although I didn't do it everyday for those three years, when I did, I felt peace. I am a big fan of reflection (one of the great skills I learned from Prescott College) that leads to insight - which leads to growth and ultimately - hopefully - leads you to gratitude of where you have been. And then the cycle starts over again. So I guess that is where I will begin...with gratitude. Nothing helps heal heartache like giving thanks.
Over the past year, I am grateful for more things than I could ever list (but oh how I love a good list challenge :)). Here are just a few. I have been blessed by:
~a God, who has answered every single one of my prayers, gave me strength and peace to go on and amazing hope in good things to come
~a beautiful daughter, Junia, born September 18th, 2010 after only 45 minutes of labor
~a husband, whose leadership and compassion has been incredible
time to fully connect, play, and laugh with my miracle son
~a family, who has stood by me through it all
friends who have encouraged me and never let me feel alone
~a mentor, who prayed for me
~a counselor, who helped to see perspective
~a new business, to keep me busy serving others (one of my favorite things to do!)
~good doctors and negative results
~jet lag from crossing the Atlantic AND the Pacific
~conflict, as it shows a persons true heart
~a new church (and arts ministry!)
~vegetables and a hybrid car
~books I couldn't put down
~running 13.1 miles in just over 2 hours
~a new feng shui in my living room, kitchen, dining room, and basement (thank you Benjamin Moore and craigslist)
~a new love of bluegrass and country music (I know, what?!)
~and of course, wine and chocolate.... lots and lots of wine and chocolate.
So here I am making a fresh start. No more Will's Mom. I am opening up again to share with you not only Will's precious years but now little Miss June's as well. Periodically I will post something from this past year to fill in the gap in Will and Junia's baby books (my perfectionist self finally got the better of me) and keep you faithful readers (love you!) in the loop on the life changing stories you may have missed. Cheers to new babies, new beginnings, and living the life you have always dreamed!
Two of my greatest loves, Will and June. And the reason I write this blog.
